Poop Day Giveaway!

Today is Poop Day .

I have to empty my bowels for my surgery tomorrow. It’s no fun.

So I thought I’d try to make me some Silver Lining by giving away a book.

But not just any book – my current favorite!

The World For Realz’ first monthly book giveaway is a real gem, and I hope you love it as much as I do.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry

Here is Amazon’s summary of this wonderful tale by Gabrielle Zevin :

“A. J. Fikry, the irascible owner of Island Books, has recently endured some tough years: his wife has died, his bookstore is experiencing the worst sales in its history, and his prized possession – a rare edition of Poe poems – has been stolen.

Over time, he has given up on people, and even the books in his store, instead of offering solace, are yet another reminder of a world that is changing too rapidly.

Until a most unexpected occurrence gives him the chance to make his life over and see things anew.

Gabrielle Zevin’s enchanting novel is a love letter to the world of books–an irresistible affirmation of why we read, and why we love.”

If you are a lover of books, you should definitely enjoy this story.

A.J. offers up quotes, his thoughts on various titles, and bits of advice throughout the pages.

If you have ever worked in the book industry, whether as a book seller, publisher, or agent, you will find yourself nodding and laughing at so many of his observations and complaints.

What I find ironic is that this book did not receive a large amount of acclaim, and almost went unnoticed – while describing therein a book entitled The Late Bloomer which suffers a similar plight.

The genre is literary fiction, containing a bit of romance and mystery, along with some suspense, comedy, and heartache.

I listened to the audio version and as soon as I had completed the book, I forced my hubz to listen to it as well. He loved it almost as much as I did – not a surprise, as we met when we were both working at Borders.

Guess I should mention that I haven’t received any compensation for this review. I wouldn’t even know how to go about such a thing. I just like this book a lot and want to share it with you.

This contest is open to US entries only, and most likely I’ll have Amazon send it directly to you. Or maybe I’ll go to the bookstore and buy two copies – one for you, and one for me! – and mail it to you myself. You just never know.

Good lucky, everyone, and have a happy Poop Day!

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I wish unto you a very merry Poop Day.

My calendar is funny.

I write normal dates in, like my nephew’s birthday, appointments, events – that sort of stuff.

You know, the reason to have a calendar in the first place.

But I also write non-essential notes on my calendar.

In reading over last year’s agenda, I find I wrote things like:

• Buy worlds.


• Visit stupid people.


• Day of the worms.


• Map that shit.


• Call fart-face.


• Fire someone.

There are also multiple doodles, but since they involve poorly drawn stars and shit like that, I am not including them.

#SorryNotSorry

Get your own squiggles.

This month is no different.

My calendar is funny and there are doodles and stupid reminders which mean nothing to strangers but which make perfect sense to me.

You should be jealous of how funny I am in my own mind.

But there is one note on this month’s calendar which LOOKS funny and actually isn’t.

I mean, it’s funny to write about, but it’s not going to be funny when it happens. I am completely losing my shit over this upcoming event.

Literally.

Two weeks from now is Poop Day.

See, I’m scheduled for surgery on Tuesday, August 19 – which happens to be my hubz’ birthday, so I know I won’t die because that would render my death cruel and senseless, whereas I plan to die a motherfucking hero, like by saving a kid from getting run over by oncoming traffic, or something cool like that.

Death by uterus removal on my lover’s bday? Not so much. No effing way. Not happening.

Yeah, my surgery is that hysterectomy you’ve heard so much about. I am very excited, insofar as one can be excited about organs being cut out of one’s body. I guess I should say I am very excited to be rid of my pesky and worthless uterus, albeit not necessarily of the process thereby.

It’s gonna be awesome… eventually.

The day prior to surgery…

…patients are required to void their bowels.

This means, in simple terms, I will be shitting my brains out on Monday, August 18 – Poop Day.

And since I will be shitting my brains out, I need to plan ahead for it. Like, there should be plenty of toilet paper in stock, along with baby wipes for when things get ugly.

And – most importantly – there should be no people in this motherfucking house, you guys.

• My baby girl will be spending some extra time at her dad’s house.


• My son will be going to class, and from there to work, and I told him he needs to have plans to be OUT that night.


• I’m forcing my hubz to work an open-to-close shift so he’ll be gone during most of the trauma.

Just to double-check that no one forgets or overlooks this date, I had to write it on the calendar.

Hence, Poop Day is now a scheduled family event.

I ain’t trying to run to the toilet every five minutes with people around snickering about my activities. And I certainly do not want the aroma de caca which will surely permeate the air to become a subject of discussion, particularly while I’m suffering the throws of dukedom.

Wooty-Pooty!

I get to use Gatorade instead of just straight-up water! Wooty-Pooty!

I was worried I might have to have an enema, which I believe is something you stick up your ass, and I was not looking forward to this in the slightest.

Thankfully, there will be no butt-insertion for this shit-fest. Rather, I had to purchase a powder called Miralax which I am to mix with 64 ounces of Gatorade. I am to drink 8 ounces of this concoction every fifteen minutes, with no dilly-dallying or pussy-ass sipping. It specifically says so. Or something to that effect, anyway.

The drinking begins at 1pm. That’s on the calendar, too.

My calendar is funny, indeed.

Is your calendar as funny as mine?

• Have you ever indulged in some good ol’ Miralax poopage?


• How soon after the first glass do you think the party will begin?


• What flavor of Gatorade would you choose for your Miralax potion?


• Would you be okay hosting Poop Day with your family underfoot?

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